self-deception

coltre:

A lot of people complain about the night, and how lonely they feel inside their bed. But that’s not how it works for me. I notice I’m lonely at 9 am. When the sun wakes me up and everything is silent around me. I notice I’m lonely at 1 pm. When I walk down the street knowing I  have no one to go visit. I notice I’m lonely at 3 pm. When I draw on my yellow paper knowing there’s no one to say “This drawing is from me to you. I think about you a lot. ” I notice I’m lonely at 6 pm. When I look in the mirror and my body is untouched. There’s no sign of someone else living, touching, breathing my body.  It makes me sad thinking how much love I’m willing to give and it’s all going wasted because after all, maybe some people aren’t meant to be with someone.

Lindsay Lohan photographed by Alex Sainsbury for the September/October 2014 issue of Wonderland Magazine.

crowcrow:

this happy goat is making me feel so happy about everything

I have to stop falling in love with memories.

  1. I left my favorite pair of underwear at your house. I know your mother hates me, can I come pick them up?
    [delete]
  2. It’s been almost a month and I still miss you like a fucking limb.
    [delete]
  3. I didn’t know my bones could ache until I met you.
    [delete]
  4. You know, a week before we broke up, do you remember? I had bought a book of poetry. You asked why I didn’t read something more interesting and I could feel my insides splinter.
    [delete]
  5. You said poetry was all lies dressed up to sound pretty. When I look at you these days, I want to ask if sadness sounds pretty to you too.
    [delete]
  6. It’s 3 a.m. and this alcohol tastes like you.
    [delete]
  7. I saw you staring at me today during Lit class. I smiled at you and you didn’t smile back. I almost cried.
    [delete]
  8. The girl who sits next to me smells like you.
    [delete]
  9. I miss you.
    [delete]
  10. I have never had so many bad nights.
    [delete]
  11. Sometimes I write poetry about you on the internet. Strangers who have never met either of us think you’re cruel – they tell me if they had the honor of loving me, we’d have sex three times a day and they’d scream my name when they came.
    [delete]
  12. They think it is beautiful, how I am broken. I don’t think they understand.
    [delete]
  13. You used to tell me I was beautiful. I tried saying it in the mirror the other day, but it sounded wrong without your mouth wrapped around it.
    [delete]
  14. Everything I say sounds wrong without your mouth wrapped around it.
    [delete]
  15. We were never in love, but, oh God, we could have been.
    [delete]

hanahaley:

Berlin, Germany (pt. 10) 

coltre:

you were like the summer; barely anyone appreciated you while you were here, but the second you were gone, all they did was miss you.

It’s over. I will always speak to you. And I don’t mind if you don’t say anything. Just because you went away, it doesn’t mean you’re not here anymore. Perhaps all I ever needed was this gift. (Womb, 2010)
THEME